•January 1, 2013 • 2 Comments

Let’s face it, 2012 was a terrible year. Between Amazon starting to charge sales tax in certain states and it being the 11th anniversary of 9/11 (here’s an article about the former, published on the latter’s date), not to mention the whole world not ending shtick, it’s going to be pretty hard to top this year in terms of shittiness (As I type this drunkenly I yell at the red squiggly in Microsoft Word “No, not shiftiness! Even though that fits perfectly within context.).  Despite everything being fucked this last 365 day period, I have no doubt that everything will be remedied by a 24 hour period in which we all get so drunk that for the next week we will forget the very day we were celebrating as we continue to write 2’s at the end of our calendar year instead of the 3 we have all agreed upon switching to. Because as we all know, 13 is known for being a lucky number.

Fuck it, video games.


The Walking Dead

Don't we all.

Don’t we all.

I’ll admit it, The Walking Dead by Telltale Games was great, but was it really a video game or was it just an interactive movie that rarely provides more input than your average choose-your-own-adventure book? Sure there are moments where you have to shoot and slice zombies (or “walkers” as the game coolly puts it) but those moments are far and between\are unremarkable at best. Still, the game provides a better narrative than pretty much anything else out there, and as an advocate for solid writing (let’s get the plot of games at a non-joke level before trying to quantify it as good) I thank Telltale for making this game that hopefully serves as motivation to other developers to not blow their wad on “sick ass graphics” and commercials with Jonah Hill/other totally schweet celebrities.

Runner-up:  X-COM –

X-Com is also a great but glitchy as hell game.  What were they thinking releasing it with the controls in buildings with multiple levels being as it is??? Cmon Firaxis, you’re better than that.



Surprisingly, these guys found the time to get a lot of work done.

Surprisingly, these guys found the time to get a lot of work done.

FTL is fucking bullshit. Either I’m the unluckiest guy on the planet or creators Justin Ma and Matthew Davis took all their Kickstarter bucks and invested it in installing a personalized chip in my computer that allows them to know just how to perfectly rape my sweet ass when I least expect it, every single god damn time. There would be times where I would have a ship that was the Noah’s Ark of alien denizens built atop a pile of scrap just waiting to be spent, only to run into 0 shops and a fucking pimped out rebel pirate that desolates the fuck out of my hull while I’m burning alive thanks to an inconvenient solar flare.  Despite all this douchebaggery, this game is fun as fuck.

Runner-up: X-COM

In X-COM you will miss shots that the game tells you that you have a 99% chance of hitting. That’s the cheap stuff.


Dark Souls PC



I’m too lazzy (pronounced like jazzy but with an L) to check, but I’m pretty sure the console version of Dark Souls won my game of the year last year, and the game is even better on PC. Thanks to Durante we get 60 frames, high resolution, and in addition to the added DLC, it makes the PC version of Dark Souls the version to play. But be warned, this game like many other great things in life takes a great deal of patience (soccer, courting, ordering a sandwich from Katz’s). If you just want some luddite experience, stick to Bejeweled or Farmville (ZYNGA LOLOLOLOLOL), peasant.

X-COM: Yo losing your top tier squad-mate twenty hours into the campaign is some rough stuff. There’s even a game mode called Iron Man for cheating bastards like myself who reloaded saves left and right, that’s how you know this game ain’t 4 fannies.


Djmax technika

That guy is pretty cool. I guess.

That guy is pretty cool. I guess.

DJMAX Technika has a slick presentation and if you’re into weebo music I’m sure you would get off to the sizable selection offered here. Besides that the game makes some fucking retarded decisions, even beyond its tragic name that reeks of trying to be cool but comes off as infinitely lame. First off, you have to tap small beat icons about the size of the tip of an average person’s finger, positioned in such spots that there’s always a great chance that your hands will be blocking some part of them. Secondly, to activate Fever Mode and the score multiplier it offers, you need to tap an even smaller button in the upper right of the screen. If you miss any of the beats you lose the ability to activate this power, which is something that will often happen as you move your finger to activate said ability. Fucking stupid. And thirdly, rear control panel beats. Good luck with that broken dumb shit.


The Music in X-COM sucks\is non-existent. Also X-COM is a dumb title, sounds like an X-MEN ripoff.

Honoroable Mention #2: I’d like to mention Sound Shapes except for the opposite of all the aforementioned reasons. Unlike DJMAX whateverfuck, this game rules.  Seriously, the Beck tracks in that game are shit-hot.


Dota 2

I'm too good at this game.

I’m too good at this game.

Read my post on Why You Should Play DOTA 2. This game is still better than whatever your leisure time is dedicated to right now. Get on the train or get left behind bitches.


I never played the original but I heard this new one is a pretty dope ass remake. Good on your Firaxis for not making another underwhelming shooter like that EA-released Syndicate game.


Hotline Miami

Hotline Miami is the trippiest and drippiest (thx Microsoft word) game you’ll ever play. The soundtrack is bone-rattling, and boner-inducing. It’s mindless fun that’ll make you shout in anger due to the bullshit need to memorize enemy patterns, but once you overcome the challenge you’ll grumble to yourself a muted message of self-congratulations. And it’s cheap as fuck too, constantly on sale for 5 bucks. Try it.

i <3 u ryan goslings

i ❤ u ryan goslings


ryan gosling don’t mess around.


Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew for the iPhone



You thought I was going to say Halo 4 didn’t you? Well Fuck You.


Cain from Binary Domain

All I remember from French Class is: Bon Voyage! So I don't know what this means.

All I remember from French Class is: Bon Voyage! So I don’t know what this means.

Cain was not only a robot, he was French. And everyone knows French people are cool as fuck. It’s why their language is the language of love. They get mad chicks with dicks.

(I wanted to give it to Lee from the Walking Dead, but my own rules state that each game can only win one award, this is strictly enforced.)


Mass Effect 3/Street Fighter X Tekken

Pretty much sums it up.

Pretty much sums it up.

Mass Effect 3 has really nice explosions and graphiks, decent shooting, and okay character dialogue. Outside of that, the game is total shite. The plot is fucking retarded prior to that ending that I don’t need to say anything else about. Street Fighter X Tekken fucked up on so many levels, with more rounds ending in a time out than to an actual KO, stupid ass gems that were unintuitive and such an obvious cash grab that it was offensive, not to mention a broken online mode and a step back in graphics from its predecessor Street Fighter 4.

Both Mass Effect 3 and SFxT share the trait of being created by companies who are willing to fuck the customer in order to reach into their wallets, and for that, fuck them. Don’t make essential parts of your game locked behind a DLC pay wall, it’s fucking classless.



u can chat in this game too which is real nice

u can chat in this game too which is real nice

This game rules.

Happy News Years!

How My Father Became a Game Developer

•April 12, 2012 • 1 Comment

Video games are a relatively new type of media, and the iOS app revolution even more so. Most designers these days were either growing up alongside the game’s industry, or they already had a technical background. Recently we’ve been seeing games branch out from their niche audience, reaching a diverse group of users who want to play all sorts of games from Dark Souls to Farmville. This expansion in popularity has granted the opportunity to people who otherwise would never make a game be able to do so. And in this instance, that person is my father.

The more potential there is for money to be made in any particular industry, the more people will invest in that industry. That is a fact. The investment relevant to this particular story is GameSalad, a program that allows developers who have no knowledge of coding to make their own mobile and HTML5 games. From my understanding GameSalad won’t ever contest the limitless freedom presented by raw coding, but is still a very capable program that will allow Developers to do many of the things they could ever want.  This is the program my father used. He would pour countless hours into it early in the morning before he went to work, and after he got home he would go back to his game and use the few precious hours to work on it before he had to go to sleep. He would repeat this cycle five days a week. On weekends he would work on the game whenever he wasn’t spending time with my mother and sister.

An "Unofficial" book to learn GameSalad.

At the top of the staircase there’s a door. If you open this door a wall immediately greets you no more than a foot away from your face. Before this room was where my Mother made jewelry and before that it was a small storage closet. Now the storage closet is where my dad works, with his small wooden desk, chair, and computer all surprisingly managing to fit. When I went to sleep around 5AM (oh the life of a writer) I would often see the crack beneath his door lit by the glow of his computer monitor, and hear his controlled tappings of the keyboard that were undoubtedly tuning his game someway or another. When I woke up the monitor light would be replaced by the sun, but the sounds of the keyboard being hit were still the same.

The closet where my Dad worked.

The name of his game wasn’t decided until a week ago when he put his App in submission to Apple, where we came up with the title Monkey Cannon. Monkey Cannon wasn’t my father’s first game, he made several other smaller games including a child’s adventure and basic pinball table. While his previous projects were nowhere near as involved as his latest, it was clear by the result of his efforts and acknowledged by his online peers that he had came a long way since them. His experienced allowed him to learn how to create something that wouldn’t have been possible for him otherwise. Most importantly it tested his passion for making games, as his earlier projects were mostly ignored as they usually are for most new game developers. Still, he had fun making games and couldn’t help but be excited to wake up each morning and find out that someone from a different continent had downloaded one of his apps.

I had my own part to play in the creation of Monkey Cannon. Don’t be mistaken, 99% of the work in the game from the art, to the programming and music is all my father’s. But being the gamer in the family who has played pretty much everything, my Dad would turn to me to test his game and give him any suggestions on how to improve it. I helped him find a few bugs and gave him a couple ideas such as including a button that would allow the camera to pan out and give the player a full look at the level. It was an interesting experience for me as I had always dreamed of becoming a game designer as a child, but dropped the idea once I realized I hated programming and had no artistic talent. After this maybe I’ll reconsider the idea.

So after months of hard work and implementing some of my suggested changes, Monkey Cannon was complete. My dad had single-handedly created a game from the ground up, including all of the many assets featured in the game such as the artwork and music. Small development teams are becoming more commonplace with most mobile titles not requiring a team large as AAA titles, but I think the story of my hardworking father is somewhat unique. In my most unbiased opinion possible: the game he created is polished and charming, and for a dollar I really think most buyers will feel they got their money’s worth. It’s not a title that caters to more invested gamers such as myself, but even I appreciated the levels in the game that felt more skill-based and predictable than anything available in Angry Birds. So at the end of this story just remember, if you ever dreamed of making a game, go for it. If a man with a family working 40+ hours could do it, so can you.

Monkey Cannon will be available tomorrow, April 13th, on the App Store. That’s the same day as Fez for those of you keeping track, but somehow I don’t imagine there being that much overlap.


Monkey Cannon is available, yay!

Review: Soul Calibur 5, a Great Barebones Experience

•February 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment

If you’re someone who plays Soul Calibur for its deep single player, you may be disappointed with Soul Calibur 5.

How is Misturugi still in this game?!?!

The story mode in SC5 is a 3 hour experience, alternating between fights against the AI and drawn stills. I personally was wishing for it to end the entire time, uninterested in the story of two siblings whose relationship with one another borders on incestual. If that’s not your cup of tea – there’s also a standard arcade mode, pitting you against 7 AI opponents and recording your best time.  After beating story mode, you’ll unlock “Legendary Souls” – the same thing as arcade mode but with a more difficult AI. Create a character returns with new items, otherwise remaining identical to previous iterations of the franchise. Rounding out SC5’s paltry single player is quick play – where you choose to fight pre-created AI opponents to win titles for your multiplayer profile. That’s it. If you plan on only playing SC5’s single player, then there is nothing more for you to look forward to.

Softening the blow of SC5’s lackluster single player is the actual fighting in the game – which feels awesome. Performing character moves is responsive and provides a satisfying feeling whenever you land an attack. It doesn’t hurt that the game looks great as well, with SC5 being arguably the greatest looking fighting game on the market (at least until Tekken Tag Tournament 2 later this year). I was seriously floored by how good Namco managed to make the game look, especially the characters. It left me wanting to see those who were left out given the same treatment.

Namco and Team Soul may have been unconcerned with SC5’s single player, but it’s clear that they care deeply about the game’s multiplayer. The last two numbered entries in the series made many small changes to the game, only resulting in them being broken and never played competitively. With this iteration of the game’s combat system featuring some of the biggest and most enjoyable changes yet, that is not the case here.

Taking a page from Street Fighter IV, Soul Calibur now has a meter (called Critical Gauge) that fills up as you land attacks and receive damage, allowing you to perform souped-up versions of your combos (Brave Edge), or a unique super move (Critical Edge). Guard Impacting, a parrying maneuver, is now built into some of your standard moves, or can also be performed at the cost of some of your meter. The new meter opens up a whole new dynamic for the player, presenting them with more options than ever before.

Besides the Critical Gauge, there’s two other new mechanics. Just Guarding, a feature similar to Third Strike’s parries that requires a strict 3 frame press and release of the guard button. And the reworked guard break system. Your guard in the game will now be broken for blocking too many attacks without dealing any damage. This would be a change I would be fine with, except it carries over from round to round, sometimes becoming the deciding factor in what would otherwise be a close match. It’s not a game breaking change, but it will force more defensive players who would otherwise “turtle” to come out of their shell.

For those of you who are interested in playing multiplayer but having no one to play with, do not fret. In the Xbox version of the game the netcode was phenomenal, often resulting in matches with 5 bars of connectivity that were lag free.  The game features the standard online modes for fighters, providing ranked matches, and player lobbies where winner stays on as others watch and wait for their turn. You can also use your created characters in any mode online, providing some additional entertainment as you fight against the result of other players’ creativity.

With the recent resurgence of the fighting game genre, the amount of fighters on the market may seem overwhelming. But Soul Calibur 5 manages to carve its name into history as an exceptional 3D fighter, demonstrating why the soul still burns.

Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

8 out of 10






Nice Move in Hero Academy

•February 14, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Would anyone be interested in a Hero Academy tips guide? Comment here or on my video and let me know.

Why Everyone Should Play DOTA 2

•February 8, 2012 • 11 Comments

One of my previous articles, Why Everyone Should Play LoL, continues to be my blog’s biggest source of traffic. So in an effort to shamelessly cash in on that success, I will be writing more blog posts about Why Everyone Should Play __________. Each post I’ll pick a new game and hopefully do my best to convince you to trying it out without sounding repetitive.

I hope you find these posts entertaining and educating, but in the grand scheme of things that’s only a bonus for me. I’m just here for the fat paychecks.

Spoiler: There’s no fat paychecks.

So without further ado, here’s why everyone should play DOTA 2.

They changed the artwork of the the girl on the right (Lina/Slayer).

It’s (most likely) free.

DOTA 2 is still in the beta phase, but with the competition Valve faces (LoL and HoN) and the in-game shop files that have been datamined, it’s a safe bet that the game will be free when it officially launches. Even if DOTA 2 looks like something that you would loathe, there’s no harm in trying it. You might be surprised with what you find.

Burn the green earth.

The learning curve is tremendously steep but equally rewarding.

I’m not going to pull any punches here, DOTA 2 has an extremely steep learning curve that rivals and possibly outdoes any other game. Not only do you have to learn little intricacies such as denying, the secret shop, and what heroes you like, but you must know what every one of the 85 plus heroes are capable of. Now wait, before you say “fuck that” and close this page, let me remind you of one thing:

We are on the internet, an amazing place where everyone is a genius.

I’m not suggesting you spend hours in front of the screen reading guides about the game, but such material exists in spades if you ever find yourself confused by any game mechanics. Go play DOTA 2 for the first time, get owned, then check out one of these guides and educate yourself on the problems you faced. It’s immensely rewarding when you shut down an Invoker or Pudge in the middle lane with Morphling after doing a little research.

And don’t worry, you will learn just from playing. Valve has done an outstanding job of making everything as intuitive as possible, animating the effects of heroes so you can understand what they are doing. Not to mention a decent bot mode where you can train by yourself or with friends against the AI.

DOTA is the best MOBA on the market.

For those of you who don’t know, the original DOTA was really the first take on the whole MOBA genre (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, games like DOTA, LoL, and HoN all fall under this category). Everything released since has been a copy that either makes a few tweaks (LoL, Demigod), or none at all (HoN). DOTA 2 largely stays the same as original, with the team at Valve choosing to dedicate their time porting over what heroes are still missing from the original, and making the game polished as possible. I am confident that the game has a bright future when Valve chooses to make gameplay changes, but as it stands DOTA 2 is already ahead of the competition.

Here’s a list of what sets DOTA 2 apart from the pale imitators:

-An innovative game client that allows players to spectate their friend’s/top player’s games during any point of a match (This is HUGE, the future of eSPORTS).

-A level of detail to the animation and characters in the game that rivals Pixar (I heard somewhere that there’s over 500 pages of dialogue for all the heroes, which is insane).

-An unparalleled amount of depth that other games have only failed to replicate.

-Steam. Love it or hate it, chances if you’re playing PC games regularly you already have this installed on your computer. Meaning that you already have a built in friends list to play DOTA 2 with.

The dude on the left is an old panzy. The dude on the right can turn into a dragon.

The streams for DOTA 2 are the most professional and entertaining out of any eSPORTS.  

I’ve only started watching the streams over at recently, but boy was I impressed. With professional teams from all over the world playing scheduled matches on an almost overwhelming basis, you can’t but help make parallels to a sporting event like the World Cup. Also Tobi, one of the premier casters for the game, is much more entertaining than now famous fraud Day9, who hasn’t ever played a video game for more than an hour (except when it’s for advertising purposes).

But yeah, check out a DOTA 2 match on JoinDOTA, they are quite entertaining. The way Valve has designed DOTA 2 makes it one of the easiest competitive games to watch, even if you don’t know much about it.

It’s fun.

Above all else, DOTA 2 is fun. Even if you’re still in the learning phase the game’s charm rubs off on you. The Heroes in DOTA 2 are extremely enjoyable and you are able to play them completely differently from other players with such a wide variety of items being available. Here’s some tips for having fun in the game:

Picture of anyone who isn't blessed enough to be playing DOTA.

How to have fun in DOTA 2:

-If it’s your first time playing, try a few practice matches against bots.

-Find a hero you enjoy and try learning all their intricacies before playing him in ranked matches.

-Try joining some of the in-game chat rooms (such as message boards you might frequent) and playing games with some of the people found there. I personally find the reddit channel a good place to find decent players.

-Use voice communication. Be it Mumble or the in-game voice chat, DOTA 2 is much more enjoyable when you play with a communicative team.

-Don’t play with Russians.

If you made it this far in the article, you’re probably saying “Spruchy I want to play now! How can I get in the DOTA 2 beta?” Well, Here’s some ways you can get in:

-Firstly, make sure to take the Steam survey  so you’re entered for a chance to be invited by Valve.

-Make an account at, where they give away keys in the message on a daily basis.

NOTE: Newer accounts aren’t eligible for the draw, but they are always pushing up the eligibility date. I recommend signing up if you haven’t already, so you’re eligible for future draws.

-If you have any friends who are in the beta, ask them if they have an extra invite.

If you still can’t get in be patient. Valve is giving away more keys every day and before you know it release will be upon us. I hope I was able to persuade you into trying out DOTA 2, even if it isn’t your usual cup of tea. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please leave a message for me here or on Twitter.





Kingdoms of Amalur Review After Streaming for 26 hours

•February 6, 2012 • Leave a Comment

(Note: All my impressions are based on the 360 version of the game, with little to no issues except the occasional frame rate hiccup when using magic with lots of enemies on the screen/entering a new zone. Loading times were drastically decreased after install.)

Over the last 3 days I’ve streamed Kingdoms of Amalur for over 26 hours. A staggering amount that might suggest that I was either getting paid or I was obsessed with the game. Neither is true. I did it because it was a fun experiment for my not so often used stream equipment, and there seemed was a big enough interest in the game to warrant streaming it. The purpose of this post is to get out my thoughts on the game after playing it for so long, and hopefully help you guys make a decision regarding if you should buy it or not.

Devil May Cry this is not, nor does it need to be. Kingdoms separates itself from all other open world games such as Skyrim and Fable with its combat system. If I had to best describe it, I would call it Devil May Cry lite, reminiscent of the combat found in Darksiders. You will charge attacks, you will delay attacks, you will use abilities, and yes, you will mash. There are plenty of combo options available such as doing 3 hits into a launcher, shooting the enemy with your bow twice, and finishing it off with a quake slam. But often more than not, there isn’t a need or incentive to do anything as elaborate as that.

There are plenty of cities in Kingdoms.

The Difficulty of Kingdoms, or lack thereof.  If an enemy doesn’t die before you get off one of your non-mashed combos, then chances are it will either get interrupted (and effectively stunned), or commit to a powerful attack. Unfortunately thanks to potions you don’t really need to worry about the latter. Healing potions in the game cost very little, heal a ton, and have no limit on how many you can carry. It’s clear that the developers at 38 Studios and Big Huge Games were inspired by the Diablo 2 potion chugging days, but with no delay of the healing effect it just becomes a broken game mechanic. The AI itself is okay, with the computer on hard mode often relying on surrounding me with melee enemies and placing powerful spell casters as far away as possible.

Some call it Fate, others call it Choice. Any good open world game presents the player with tons of choices or things to do. Kingdoms does a lot of things right, but this is where it hugely succeeds. The three class trees – Finesse, Wisdom, and Might, all play radically different from each other. Respeccing entails nothing more than visiting the fateweaver and paying an inexpensive fee. There’s also an overwhelming amount of quests split into main quests, faction questions (which are often as interesting as the main quests), side quests, and tasks. If you ever grow bored pursuing one of these lines, all you have to do is track a different one and fast travel to its location. The quests themselves are often varied enough to keep you engaged, but the same cannot be said for the locations they take place in.

This is not Fable or WoW.

Quest locations, or: Caves, caves, and more caves.  The art style for the game is heavily inspired by World Of Warcraft and is very much what WoW would look like if upgraded for current gen. At its best moments you’ll be traversing fields filled with color, as the skyscrapers of the city loom over the horizon. But during the majority of the game, you’ll be exploring dark caves that are nothing more than straightforward corridors, sporting a dull color palette perfect for putting you to sleep. It is beyond me why the developers would choose to so frequently force the player in these boring caves when such interesting castles, fields, and others are available.

Pictured: Not a cave.

Wait, the whozamawhatsit did what now? Hiring R.A. Salvatore to write the story of Kingdoms, many are eagerly waiting to devour the universe of the game with open mouths. I’m not familiar with Mr. Salvatore’s work myself, but man, does the guy like his jargon. Featuring NPCs that spew line after line of unintelligible high-fantasy terms, the plot in Kingdoms would make Square-Enix and Final Fantasy XIII envious. It’s sort of clear who the bad guys are and why they want to kill you, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that I’m entirely missing out ona few subplots of the game. The story is serviceable, but it is not the reason to stay in the Kingdoms of Amalur.

Gimme the loot. Kingdoms is full of loot and is it glorious. You will find huge upgrades for all of your equipment sometimes within the same hour, guaranteeing that you’ll be fiending for more. Just like Diablo 2, there are sets of armor that if you complete you will receive additional bonuses. A nice touch. Gold is actually worth something here, as repairing armor can be expensive and vendors often sell great items. One minor qualm I had with the game is that armor takes way too long to start looking decent. 15 hours in the game and my rogue character was worse dressed than I am in real life.

The stream set up.

Haters gonna hate. Going over my review it might seem like I’m “down” on the game or I didn’t enjoy it, but that’s not true. Kingdoms of Amalur does a lot of things right, and it’s easy to see that from the already released videos and limited reviews. I just wanted to address some of the issues that bigger review sites might not mention or care to think of. I’m not done with the game yet, but if I had to score it based on what I played so far, I would give something like an 8 out of 10. Or on the IGN scale, a 25.23 out of 10.


If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to ask. If you want to see more of my content, including already archived footage of this game, I suggest checking out:





Must Watch UK Shows

•January 12, 2012 • Leave a Comment

A list of British (mostly) comedy shows that you cannot miss.

Between Netflix, BBC America, and more ‘illicit’ means, I am proud to admit that I am more than ‘well-versed’ when it comes to British TV. I’m quite familiar with American TV as well but let’s be honest, when it comes to comedy no one does it as well as the British. This list is by no means complete or in any order, but should serve as a great starting out point. So bid adieu to your dime a dozen crime shows and reality TV, and welcome to your life filled with sharp dialogue and men’s behinds.

The Inbetweeners

Four of the crudest, vilest, and funniest fuckers you'll ever meet.

# of Episodes: 18 (3 seasons of 6 episodes each), and a theatrical movie

Available on: Youtube or the DVDs at Amazon

Plot in one sentence: A group of three boys welcome a rich kid unlike them into their group as they try to survive school and most importantly, get laid.

Why you should watch it:  Because The Inbetweeners had me laughing out loud more than any show I can recall in recent memory. The groups roles of idiot, liar, naïve lover, and rich kid mesh so well that by the time it’s over you’ll be wishing for more. I know I was, when the show was finished I started re-watching it again immediately, I was hooked.

"Alan Moore? More like More Doritos!" - That unfunny guy from Big Bang Theory

The IT Crowd

# of Episodes: 24 (4 seasons of 6 episodes each)

Available on: Netflix

Plot in one (run on) sentence: A show about two nerds who work in the IT department of their company have to educate their new female coworker who knows nothing about computers their way of life.

Why you should watch it:  Many popular shows fake its nerdology and throws around words that a real person would never use in an effort to win a cheap laugh (cough…Big Bang Theory). The IT Crowd not only strays away from this, but manages to use clever and realistic dialogue that will have you guffawing constantly.

Take a wild guess who's the well-mannered one of the group.

Peep Show

# of Episodes: 42 (7 series of 6 episodes each)

Available on: Netflix

Plot in one sentence: Two roommates who are the complete opposite of each other struggle to function within society, making a mess out of anything they do from going to the gym to spending the night in.

Why you should watch it:  Peep Show was one of the shows that got me hooked on UK television. With relatable material that’s partnered up with a first person camera perspective the show was an addicting watch that made me crave similar material. Peep Show is on Netflix and is extremely accessible, making it a great show for anyone to watch.

The Dad. Like any family he makes the show.

The Royle Family

# of Episodes: 24 (3 series of 6 episodes each and 6 specials)

Available on: Youtube Amazon

Plot in one sentence: A family of four (five if you count the daughter’s always present boyfriend) sit around and watch TV. Seriously, that’s it.

Why you should watch it:  Even if you never sat around the couch and watched TV with your family before, I’m willing to bet there will be a moment in Royle Family that will have you think to yourself “Hah, that’s happened to me before.” The writers have somehow managed to make an interesting show that is about doing nothing but sitting around. Proving that shows do not always need a zany concept to be entertaining.



# of Episodes: 36 (6 series, series 7starts the 23rd)

Available on: Netflix

Plot in one sentence: A group of students party hard, do a lot of drugs, and have a lot of romance issues.

Why you should watch it:  Okay so out of the list this show is the odd man out. The reason I’ve included Skins is because seasons 1 and 2 are considered my favorite television show of all time. Not that the other seasons are bad, but every two years the students “graduate” and they completely replace the cast. The first cast was unlike any other, providing both comedic and memorable moments on a constant basis. You may be skeptical of the premise and the first couple episodes, but give it until episode 3. That’s when it’ll click, trust me.

Well hopefully that got you started on your descent into vastly superior British TV. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch season 27 episode 2432 of the Office.

But before I go, here’s an amazing song:


•January 6, 2012 • Leave a Comment

With no mention of Skyrim guaranteed!

The entirety of the internet has made a list, and I’ve decided this is the year I won’t be left out. Two things to note: I am making the award categories up as I go, and my opinions are fact. Also for the sake of brevity, I won’t be putting much more than a sentence per award. But that format is subject to change at any time during this post. If none of this puts your bum in a rift, let’s get this show on the road.


This is actually unrelated to Tron and that Daft Punk album.


Outland (Arcade) – 2011 was truly the year that exclusives died, with Xbox 360 only having three notable exclusive retail releases (Gears 3, Forza 4, and Dance Central 2), and the biggest out of those three being overwhelmingly disappointing (Gears 3), the award goes to an arcade title. Outland, a metroidvania clone with an Ikaruga twist.



Gamers had to turn to the community to pick up Sony's slack.

TIE Little Big Planet 2 and Infamous 2 – PS3 had pound for pound better exclusives than the 360, but they all suffered heavily from sequel-itis, with every one of them just being bigger versions of their predecessors. LBP 2 and Infamous 2 just happen to be the most enjoyable out of these creativity absent products.




Skyward Sword was plagued with game design choices that were dumb as that bird looks.

Skyward Sword – There was no choice, but let me say this: Skyward Sword wasn’t very good. The entire game felt like it was made on a shoestring budget as Nintendo forced the player to re-visit several areas and fight an uninspired boss three times.  In fact, I would call it the worst 3D Zelda to date. Bravo Zelda, by winning every single Wii award at every site, you manage to silence any Nintendo fan boy who would otherwise argue that the Wii isn’t dead.


Before we continue with video game awards, let’s stray away from the hobby I am becoming increasingly less passionate about.








If you haven't read the books, this guy right here is all you should care about.

Game of Thrones – Basically on the merit that didn’t mess that shit up. Seriously, read the books, it could’ve gone south fast.


Claire Danes is actually a cow, and ironically enough, I believe she played the part of one in some HBO special.





If you were expecting NOMNOMNOM, go stick your head in a deep fryer.

Sesame Chicken – Twenty Three years running, too GDLK.




My baby.

iPad 2 – Skinny is sexy and fast is sexy, so taking the already super fit iPad 1 and making it sexier causes it to be a shoe-in for this award.


Let’s kick off the return to games with a bang, this game earned not one, not two, but three awards!



Be warned, that hot chick on the cover is actually a grandma in the game. False advertising indeed.

Star Wars: The Old Republic – Pretty fun game, it’s basically World of Warcraft with cut scenes and dialogue choices ala Mass Effect.



Nate is as lost as everyone with good taste when searching for the fun in UC3.

Uncharted 3 – Runner Up: Bastion. Uncharted 3 is the game for graphics whores who can’t afford a PC and wish that George Lucas was capable of making a good Indiana Jones sequel. Instead of complaining about 8.0 scores, fans should’ve been thankful that this fraud of a game received any praise. Bastion is the runner-up because it’s about somewhere between 2 hours and 10 minutes long. It’s also a pretty generic twin-stick shooter with leveling and progression.



I found this on a Russian site, so blame them for the lack of wit.

CAPCOM – Between Super Street Fighter 4: Arcade Edition (Aka Apology Edition) having to be patched because it was so badly balanced, the blatant trolling of their most dedicated fanbase (Megaman), and releasing a sequel within the same year of release (Marvel Vs Capcom 3), Capcom has nothing to be proud of. But I’ll still be playing their games.



Right you are, girl from one of SE's BAJILLION spinoffs!

SQUARE-ENIX – Final Fantasy 14. Enough said. No? Well I just received word that the pathetic cash-in attempt FF13-2 is doing abysmal in Japan. Here’s hoping the company goes under sooner rather than later.

Wow, all this negativity is making me look like a hater. Let’s finish up on a positive note.



This is actually my first time seeing these people. They look cool, if not a bit bored.

LOS CAMPESINOS  – Thanks Spotify. Everyone should check out the album to Death to Los Campesinos, it rules.



Yeah, I'm pretty good. If you need some tips I do lessons, paypal 15$ an hour.

DOTA 2 – I’ve been in the beta for about 2 months now and it’s glorious. Like my “why you should play LoL” post, I’ll be making one for Dota 2.


And the award you’ve all been waiting for…



Do not stare for too long, lest you risk getting spunk everywhere.

DARK SOULS – It might not be for everyone, and it’s certainly not without its faults, but Dark Souls was the game I found myself enjoying the most. Everything from the game’s art style to its gameplay just completely outdid the competition. If your good at video games pick it up immediately, otherwise stick to Skryim (shit!).


Thanks for reading, and here’s hoping that 2012 is as good of a year. Looking at the upcoming release schedule I can’t see myself playing that many games, but I’m sure I’ll make some time for a special few. Until then, stay happy.

iTunes Match – What Works, and What Doesn’t

•November 17, 2011 • Leave a Comment


Initial impressions on Apple’s new cloud-based music streaming service.

Back in June Apple announced its new service, iTunes Match, allowing users to stream their entire music library from the cloud to any iOS device they owned. The service was greatly aniticipated with the price being comparatively low to the competition ($24.99 a year versus Spotify’s $119 or $4.99/$9.99 for Napster depending on which devices you use), and knowing that Match would have the ability to automatically detect and “match” music in your library (including pirated songs). However, the service finally came out this week and the reactions are mixed.


-The Price. $24.99 for a year works out to be just over $2.00 a month, skip the soda once a month and you’re in there.

-The ability to stream across all devices. Anyone who owns an iOS device should be interested, from the Dad who just wants to stream to the new iPhone he got for Christmas, to the technology aficionado who wants to be able to listen to his library on his iPad, iPod touch, and laptop.

-Songs on the Cloud already are automatically found. With most of the other cloud based streaming services you are forced to buy storage and then manually upload the songs yourself. With iTunes Match this is not the case, as the service will find your songs on the cloud and give you permission to stream it. Sometimes even upping the quality of your version if you happen to have a bad rip of it (cough, pirates).


-Many of the Songs aren’t matched. My own personal experience with the cloud was that about ¼ of my 12,500 song library was matched. Granted, I have a lot of foreign music on there but there were some weird omissions like the White Stripes. Really Apple?

-No music hoarders allowed. Anyone with more than 25,000 songs is not allowed to use the service and will be forced to create a miniature library just to check it out. With worry I checked to see if I fell in that category and was surprised to see that I was well below the limit. So this probably won’t be a problem for most of you, but it still is a setback.

-Match is slow. It may be because the servers are getting hammered at the moment but even matched songs take a while to upload with unmatched songs expectedly taking longer. It’s not a real problem for that initial major upload if you can plug in your device and live a few hours without it, but when wanting to add new songs on the go (like the new Drake album, eh eh?) it can be a setback.

So, is it worth it?

Unless none of the cons seem to affect you and you desperately want to stream, at this time I would say wait a little bit. Otherwise, go ahead. Just keep in mind that the service has only been out for less than a week so it is possible Apple may make some adjustments.

What’s Wrong With Gears of War 3

•October 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Why the last in the Gear’s trilogy might be remembered as a flawed great instead of a masterpiece.

Brothers to the end...which might be sooner than later.

(NOTE: This is a post that I originally wrote for Bitmob’s Gears callout.) Let me start off by saying Gears of War 3 is a great game, one of the best in the already-crowded shooter genre. That being said there are some flaws with the game, some of these problems are serious while others are just plain annoying. At the time of writing this I am currently level 35, have beaten the campaign on hardcore with three of my friends, and have several years of gears experience under my belt. In my opinion the following are Gears 3’s biggest problems.

  • The map selection is pathetic and ironically crippled by Epic’s DLC plans.

On a recent episode of Inside Xbox (which can be found on your 360 dashboard) Cliffy B says that Halo 2 was the original Xbox’s defining experience and he hopes that the same could be said for Gears 3 on the 360. Halo 2 which shipped in 2004 came with 12 maps on the disc and another 2 maps as free DLC a few months later. Gears 3 will definitely have DLC with three new maps already being found on the disc as locked content, but the chances of it being free are slim to none. When Gears 1 was first released and it was time for a Title Update, Mark Rein and Cliffy B were guests on 1UP Yours and took a staunch position on fighting for free content and not charging players for DLC. Back then when Unreal Tournament was still fresh in everyone’s minds with new content being regularly released for free, it was easy to believe the guys from Epic that pricing was out of their hands. In the day and age of forty-five dollar weapon skins, not so much.

Both Gears 2 and 3 featured 10 maps for their multiplayer components but Gears 2 included 5 old maps for all new copies of the game, bolstering its total map count to 15. One of Gears 3’s few maps is yet another remake of Gridlock, a map that has been seen in every iteration of the Gears franchise. So Gears 3 is a downgrade in quantity from Gears 2, but that’s okay as long as the quality is there. Unfortunately it’s not. In my honest opinion, the maps found in Gears of War 3 are the worst in the series yet. The low points of these maps are Overpass, a map that features only one entrance to the high ground that practically decides the game and encourages camping in every way possible. The other is Sandbar, a map way too big for Gears and feels like something you would expect to find in a Halo Big Team Battle playlist. Epic has made some blunders with their multiplayer map choices and as a result there’s not a doubt in my mind many players will quickly drop the game for something else in the busy fall gaming season.

  • The starting weapon balance is non-existent.

New to Gears of War is your choice of starting with one of three rifles and one of two shotguns. Out of the three rifles only the normal lancer is somewhat balanced with the Hammerburst decimating anything at long distance and the Retro doing the same at close range. And while the screams of the crowd shouldn’t always be believed, type Gears 3 Sawed-off shotgun into Google and the first suggestion is SOS Overpowered. Being a Gears 1 and 2 vet I’ve been an advocate for the Gnasher shotgun, but losing over and over to mindless players who just rush in and are rewarded with a kill for aiming slightly in my direction has caused me to jump ship. You’ll hear message board jockeys scream all day about why the SOS “isn’t that bad,” or “not that overpowered,” but challenge your friend to a 1 on 1 duel of Gnasher versus Sawed-off. Even if you’re much better than him chances are he’ll take a few rounds off you, and in a competitive game rewarding an inferior player is just unacceptable.

  • The campaign makes arbitrary decisions that serve as nothing but to annoy the players.

    Who the hell is this guy?

Want to play on the game’s hardest difficulty? Well you’re going to have to beat the game first before you can do that. A good trick to artificially lengthen games without replay value but with Gears’ extensive multiplayer it’s just unneeded. The bosses in the game also have way too much health and it seems Epic’s design motto for them was “length = difficulty”. There are also numerous occasions where you’ll be asked to take a branching path from your AI or CO-OP partners in which you’re reunited no more than a minute later. It’s just confusing and not needed.

Like I’ve said the game is still great, it might just not be remembered as a classic because of these issues. Looking at Epic and Gear’s past though we will certainly see more maps and title updates that will hopefully correct some of the existing issues. Many competitive games need frequent patches before they hit that point of balance where there aren’t any huge glaring problems, the fact that my friends and I will be playing Gears every night says something about Epic’s initial shot and just how fun the game is. Let’s just hope that they don’t let greed get in the way of turning their game into something that will be played for years (or until the next inevitable game is released).